Mid-year crisis?

If you think of the gap year as a lifetime, then I should be having something like a midlife crisis right about now. Today is February 12th, which means that I have been in Israel for more than five full months. Half my year has passed in the blink of the eye. When I blink again, it will be mid-June and I'll be heading home. Can you say mid-year crisis? Mazel Tov, I can't.

I committed a full year of my life to study here and it's already half gone. I should be anxious, feeling as though I haven't used my time to its fullest. I should be cramming in all-night learning sessions to make up for lost time and running around like a chicken with its head cut off. There's so much of Israel to see, and I haven't seen it all. There's so much to experience, and I haven't experienced it all. There's so much to do, and I haven't done it all. I heard a Rabbi speak about time being all we have and how wasting it on banality is just that -- a monumental waste. Shouldn't I regret the time I've wasted, the distractions from learning that I have partaken in?

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Yicchus not Yuck-us

"The Torah can get you so high... I mean so, so high. Like you have no idea," said the man with a look of sheer ecstasy (no pun intended) on his face.

Everyone from Yeshiva started laughing. One thought went through my mind: Tzfat sure is quite a place. Where else could you hear a religious man with a long beard talk about highs the Grateful Dead would have envied? Even that conversation, though, couldn't begin to prepare me for my Shabbat stay in the holy city. 

When we arrived in Tzfat and looked out from the city's Jerusalem Street, one couldn't help but feel in a different world. White puffy clouds surrounded the entire city, which appeared to be floating in the sky. It was as if we were in heaven, only I envision heaven as having better pizza.

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Once in a lifetime?

People always asked me why I decided to go to Yeshiva for the year, and before I arrived in Israel I never really had good answers. To learn Jewish texts, well sure, that was an integral part of it, but I guess I could have learned anywhere in the world for the year. So when asked, I kept falling back on the good 'ole  "It's a once in a lifetime experience" line. It was great: a taut one-liner that somehow convinced most people that I knew why I wanted to go to Israel. In hindsight, that platitude was only a self-justification, a way to convince myself that I was making the right choice. Once in a lifetime experience--big deal, there are a lot of things that I might only have the chance to do once, but I don't put off college to do them.

But off I went, and now here I am, four months in and having a great time. Am I glad I came?  No doubt about it. Do I know, in hindsight, what are the "real reasons" to spend the year learning in a yeshiva in Israel? Maybe not 100%, but I think I'm getting there. 

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