Heart-Earned Wisdom: Koby wins again

This year for the first time since my son Koby Mandell was murdered 7 years ago by terrorists in Israel I was away from home for Yom HaZikaron, Israel Remembrance Day.

I had been invited to speak at a large Toronto gathering organized by the Westmount Learning Center.

The event was the culmination of a special Jewish learning program called 60 days for 60 years: Israel. An organization called the Tribe in Great Britain in partnership with Chief Rabbi Jonathan Saks produced a book with 60 essays on Israel by 60 famous and not so famous Jews from Israel, North American and Great Britain. Each day for 60 days thousands of participants read one essay in commemoration of the approximately 23,000 lives that have been lost in Israel due to war or terror.

The organizers and the attendees were lovely and gracious. They seemed moved by the stories I told about Koby and the children who attend Camp Koby. I was happy to be so well received but since all my other meetings and engagements had fallen through at the last minute, I really wondered if it was worth the time, effort and money it took to get to Toronto.

During the lecture I told a story about a boy who came to Koby's shiva. He was a small pudgy boy with thick glasses. "Last week, Koby and I were in gym class together," he told my wife and I. "It was a class in volleyball. I'm not very good at sports, and Koby was one of the best players in the class, but when the coach said we could pick whomever we wanted to practice with for the last ten minutes of class, Koby picked me".

I went on to say that if the people in the audience had a choice to reach out to someone else over the next few days, to make another person feel a bit better about themselves, they should think about the story told by Koby's friend to inspire themselves to do the right thing and help that person out.

I admit I was gratified when many people came up to me with comments and questions after the speech and I must have spent 20 minutes talking to various adults. As the last grownup left I noticed a tall teenager standing in a corner. I looked over at him, "Did you want to talk to me"? I asked.

He said yes. "I was here in the building for something else, but I stopped to hear you speak. I want you to know that tomorrow, I have a gym class in school and many times I'm chosen to be the captain. Tomorrow, I'm going to ask to choose the players on my team and I'm going to choose the kid who always get picked last.

"That would be great", I said. "Let me know what happens". Then I forgot all about it.

When I returned to Israel I received the following email:

Dear Rabbi Mandell, I'd like to remind you that we spoke last night and this is in reference to what we discussed.

So this morning - sure enough we played basketball and once again I was captain. So I had last pick and I chose this guy who doesn't usually get picked first and it seemed like he was the happiest guy alive! I continued to choose people who aren't regularly chosen so high. It felt amazing knowing that I completed what I set out to do in your son's name, and to know that I learned that from him! It truly is the smallest things that have great impacts on people's lives, and I sincerely thank you for showing me that.

Just so you know...we went on to be undefeated the whole class -5 games! It was tough but I knew we could do it - I felt as though Koby helped us - so thanks! Sincerely

To which I responded in part:

What you did was a Kiddush Hashem in Koby's name. First of all, by picking those kids first and playing with them you made them really happy, and that goes somehow to Koby's merit. And then you won. Wow. Koby was a very competitive athlete and loved to win and as you saw he is tough to beat.

I don't know of any Jewish sources that talk about getting help from the beyond to win at sports, but I have no question that if it's possible Koby did it this time. You're exactly right when you say that it is the little things that make a difference in people's lives. I hope that the good feelings and good effect your actions caused will inspire you to keep being the kind of person who reaches out to help others to help them to feel better about themselves. And in the process as you have already learned, you'll feel good about yourself too."

When I read the email to my wife she told me that while I was in Toronto she had spoken on an internet TV show called Tuesday Night Live in Jerusalem and that the host had told the story of the boy at the Shiva.

"After the show" she continued, "a woman came up to me and told me that it was her son who had told the story at the shiva. It was not just that he was just not a good athlete. He had had cancer as a small child and was blind in one eye. He said that Koby helped him out all the time."