She Said: She Said: A Little Perspective

At various times of my life, I have been blameworthy for stereotyping according to material artifacts. Said more plainly, I've been guilty of assuming that folks, who are more stringent about certain things, than me, are necessarily morally superior and that folks who are less careful, than me, are necessarily morally inferior. I've come to discover that such beliefs are based on fluff and nonsense!

Simple, whereas there might be a correlation between the length of one's skirt, the nature of one's head covering, and the number of buttons fastened on one's shirt to one's relationship to G-d and to man, there also might not be. Integral goodness is the potential province of all persons. What's more, most of us have lived through experiences in which the behavior of folks, whose lives seem radically different from our own, and whose actions we had assumed we understood, surprised us.

I've been treated with unabashed integrity by persons wearing half as much cloth as me and by unabashed disdain by persons wearing equivalent amounts. I've seen individuals who are "tight" with The Boss push their way into line to buy premiere sports tickets, to get "good" parking at cultural events, and to snag the optimal among available vacation rentals. I've also witnessed persons, who have no palpable kesher [connection] with HaKadosh Baruchu, singularly run to hold doors open for the elderly, to rescue stray animals, and to put hands full of coins into beggars' cans. 

The opposite has been true, too. Folks not yet Shabbat observant have had no problem speeding through neighborhoods, on Saturday mornings, windows down and speakers blaring. Some of those persons don't mind elbowing their way through the shuk or parking in manners that endanger other drivers.

In short, I'm fatigued by the constant rant I hear about "those other guys." We are "those other guys,
no matter the level of our spirituality, the way we cover our bodies or the manner in which we formally education our children. We are responsible, to a one, to treat each other with integrity no matter our opinion of what the "proper" lifestyle ought to be.

Imagine a community in which the residents treat each other with boundless dignity and in which neighbors fail to take it upon themselves to judge and to punish individuals who acted differently. Imagine peace among our tribes.

It behooves us to remember that each of us is valuable and was created because we are needed to heal our Klal, to make us whole. It behooves us to act a lot more kindly as well as a lot more considerate to our fellow Jews.

- Hannah

About a year ago I was watching some kids on Shabbat.  These kids came from a haredi house in the haredi part of our neighborhood. It was my first time taking them out. My sister, who normally watches them, was sick. 

I took those kids to the park to play on the slide, encouraging them to climb the ladder and feeding them wafers when they came down. Everything was going well. The kids had warmed up to me, a complete stranger, and the day wasn't too hot.

With a smile, I sat down on the side of the park to rest. I overhear a mother talking to her daughter.  "You see that girl over there," the lady asked.  Her pointing finger and stare made it obvious. 

"Yes, Ima," the girl answered.

"We are not like her. We don't act like her. Don't learn from her."

To say that I was shocked would be putting it lightly. At first I had no idea what the mother was talking about. What was wrong with taking children out to the park?  Sure, they weren't my kids, and sure, I had never met them before, but they seemed to like me, and I had always believed it was good to be helpful.

Confused, I looked back at the mom and followed her glare. The problem was my skirt. 

In place of the simple a-line skirt and opaque stockings that graced her and her daughter, I was wearing a wrap-around skirt and sandals. As a result, I was considered to be a horrible person.

That unfortunate mother presumed to judge my character based on how I dressed.  She chose to overlook my actions and to concentrate on my seams and lack of socks.

I believe that dress is a reflection on the inner person, but I also believe that we should look past dress.

That uncomfortable afternoon, I was dressed in accordance to Halacha, and though I wasn't wearing stockings, I had not suddenly become a bad person.

Sadly, not everyone is able to get past appearances. People judge others all the time. People judge level of religiosity, intelligence, integrity and wholesomeness, based on clothing.

In my esteem, though, one who wears jean pants and not a jean skirt is no worse a person than one who wears a streimel and a long overcoat.  It's not the clothes that make the person; it's the person that makes the person. 

I left the park sad that day. I wasn't hurt by the comment; I knew that it came out of naivety. I was sad because that lady's daughter, would grow up learning prejudice.

- Rivka