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Friday Jul 10, 2009
Rosner's Domain: Jeff Cohn on the "Shidduch crisis" in the Jewish Orthodox communityPosted by SHMUEL ROSNER
Comments: 14      Follow Rosner's Domain on Twitter!!! Jeff Cohn is the founder of Schidduchvision "a safe and convenient video conferencing program through which singles in distant locations can 'meet' each other". The target audience is "every Shomer Shabbos single" - namely, the Jewish Orthodox community. I sent Cohn some questions on the so-called "shidduch crisis". Here's the Q&A: 1. In your estimation, is there a crisis in Orthodox marriage? how severe is it, and why is it a problem? I can't offer statistics about shidduchim in the Orthodox community. But there is certainly a perception that, even as we daily see so many young couples being married, there are also many singles in the community who feel they should be married but are not. Any Jew who is ready to marry but hasn't found his or her partner is a problem. When there are many such Jews, that needs to occupy us all even more. 2. In your assessment, what is the source of this crisis: is it the change in personal preferences of Orthodox men and women, is it the outcome of change in lifestyle, is it an institutional problem? Society these days puts forth many unhealthy notions about relationships and marriage - and about life in general. It is certainly possible that some of those notions may play a role in some instances. But I think that there are unrelated factors that make it more challenging for many to find the right person to marry. Not institutional problems, but demographic and mathematical ones. The most sober and intelligent analysis of the situation point to the difference in age when young Orthodox men and young Orthodox women begin to seek marriage-partners. That differential results in more eligible young women than young men at any given time. 3. You want to give Orthodox singles the ability to go on
first dates via video - thus helping them to save time and trouble by
avoiding dated that have no real chance of working. But is this
really the problem one needs to solve? Are you not looking for
technical remedies for a problem that isn't technical at all? How does one
solve an identity crisis with video conference?
The aim of ShidduchVision isn't to simply save people time and trouble. We are not suggesting it to people who live within close proximity of one another. It's to allow for first meetings of young people who should be meeting one another but are not because they live far from one another. Oftentimes a matchmaker or friend of a young person will say "I have the perfect person for you" but the match goes no further because geography gets in the way of a personal introduction. If that can be overcome, at least for an initial conversation or two, we could open up entirely new populations of young people to one another. ShidduchVision isn't aimed at solving any "identity crisis", whatever that means. It is simply aimed at harnessing technology that the corporate world uses effectively to make otherwise-improbable meetings of executives happen, and pressing it into service to benefit Jewish - G-d willing - couples-to-be. 4. One of the experts with which I spoke on the topic bluntly told me this: it's all about the inability of young Orthodox men to adjust to the changing sensibilities of young Orthodox women. In essence, Orthodox men seem slow to grasp the significant of the Orthodox "feminist revolution". Do you agree? There are many "experts" around who have preconceived notions - and they are not positive ones - about Orthodox Jews, or about Orthodox Jews different from them. They like to grab onto any new project in the community in order to voice their perspectives. But they are not being scientific at all, only venting. As far as the "feminist revolution" is concerned, I think it plays about as much of a role in the shidduch realm as the Bolshevik Revolution. 5. An article about your new service in JTA had reported that "Cohn proceeded with ShidduchVision only after securing the approval of respected rabbinic figures". Why is this approval necessary, and don't you think that rabbinical inflexibility is part of the problem - maybe what young Orthodox singles want is to be left alone to make their own choices without being constantly watched over and supervised by rabbis? I make no apology about consulting rabbinic figures in anything of importance - especially communal things - that I do. That is what Torah-observant Jews have always done and always should do. The rabbinical leaders of our generation are not inflexible - look at the fact that so many have endorsed the idea of ShidduchVision, which is certainly a departure from the way Jewish singles have met in the past. But I couldn't be sure that the departure is a proper one. So, after working out the plan for the project I presented it to people who are wiser and more Torah-knowledgeable than me, to hear their judgment. I am proud of having done that. Follow Rosner's Domain on Twitter!!!
1 | Shalom Freedman, Friday Jul 10, 2009
Jeff Cohn is trying to perform a great mitzvah and aid in the formation of new households and families in Israel.
The questions he asked were badgering ones. Why didn't Mr.Rosner asked him about what he has accomplished so far, and what his expectations from future efforts are?
2 | David-Toronto, Friday Jul 10, 2009
I think Jeff is doing a great thing as well...There are always going to be critics, looking at things throught a purely conformist nature.
As the saying goes" If no one is doing anything about it, then make the effort"
Seems like Jeff is doing just that.
Keep up your mission.
Sincerely,
Single observant Jewish male from Canada
3 | Tzvi/amerikkka, Friday Jul 10, 2009
The closer ANY Jewish group gets to israel, the less marriages and less children they will have. Look at the self imposed holocaust israeli appointed leaders in the conservative and reform movements have brainwashed those jews into committing. If the orthodox want to prosper they must cut all ties with the cancer called israeli goverment
4 | Ben tsvika, Jerusalem, former student of Merkaz Harav, Friday Jul 10, 2009
Of course, Orthodox Judaism, which is not monolithic, is still hostage to ancient texts born in racism, barbarianism and Jewish particularism.
Take for example the book of Hatanya of the chabad lubivitcher sect. When we talk to them face to face in private, they struggle to convince us that non-Jews are not really human beings and Jews are unique in their genes.
Similarly, the believers of Shulhan Aruch would cite unbelievably racist quotations permitting and justifying genocide.
My question is: if the "no-holds-barred" ideology is ok, then why blame the Nazis for doing what they did.
5 | alex Schindler, Jerusalem, Sunday Jul 12, 2009
ben tzvika is full fo crap about his identity. this isn't hte first time i've seen him cte the tanya (which is in some ways a problematic book, but is also only significant to lubavitchers, and frankly, is so esoteric that almost none of them understand a word of it) and shulhan aruch (which is far mroe significant to all halachic jews, and not a "racist" book at all). people who go to anti-semitic or anti-religious websites to find sound bites proving that judaism (or islam, for that matter) is inherently this-or-that are intellectually dishonest, and usually bigoted.
6 | alex Schindler, Jerusalem, Sunday Jul 12, 2009
i'm glad shidduch vision exists, since it is a step towards technology among a fairly haredi/yeshivish public, and because it does solve some geographical issues. it is very unfortunate that this dude, the product of a relatively modern "da'as toirah" development in ashkenazi jewish thought, felt the need to consult rabbis for approval of this. but i suppose the fact that it has a hechsher now (though it shouldn't need one) is politically good, because now no one can go back and say it's assur because this isn't what we did in the shtetl.
among SOME orthodox circles, the changing self
7 | alex Schindler, Jerusalem, Sunday Jul 12, 2009
perception of women may indeed play a role in the shidduch crisis. in general, though, it is a mathematical reality-- guys marry later than girls.
if anything, the "feminist revolution" (which is not, i think, THE cause of issues that your "experts" seem to think it is) willl have a POSITIVE impact on this situation. the more normal it is for a woman to put off marriage for after college, grad school, whatever-- the more normal it is for women to expect responsibilities once reserved for breadwinning males-- the later they'll get married.
8 | Joseph London, Sunday Jul 12, 2009
Anything that helps prospective couples meet is a very good idea. When I was 'on the market' I had to travel to Paris, Jerusalem and elsewhere before I met my wife right at home in London -- although I was born in the USA. You must ask the right questions before meeting. I would suggest you ask if the proposed person's parents had a loving home; people tend to grow up to be like their parents!
9 | nussan, Sunday Jul 12, 2009
Do like the ultra-Orthodox do in Israel. Pre-arrange purchase of a flat by agreement of parents from both sides as a pre-requisite towards marriage. Ultra-Orthodox make the above commitment while the Orthodox don't.
10 | yasmina, nyc, Monday Jul 13, 2009
Rosner's questions were negativistic, bordering on hostile. They remind me of the questions the BBC reporters ask Israeli representatives. Rosner peppers his queries with such snippets as "rabbinical inflexibility" "identity crisis" & "how severe is the Orthodox marriage crisis?" He ignores the fact that Mr. Cohn declines to call the situation a "crisis," describing it instead as a "perception." Rosner offers "blunt" uncited "experts" referring to the "inability" and "slow to grasp" qualities of Orthodox men.His first question answers itself, leaving no option for disagreement. Uninformative.
11 | yasmina, nyc, Monday Jul 13, 2009
To ben tsvika, supposedly of Jerusalem, purporting to be former Merkaz HaRav student, yet actually asks "why blame the Nazis"! (Yeah, we SO believe you): You are clearly out of touch with Judaic texts. Your quoted "knowledge" sounds like it comes from Prof. Jeffries, an anti-Semitic CUNY "teacher" who spurts claims just like the dirt you're spitting out. R u nuts? Believers of the Shulchan Aruch? It's a REFERENCE book, it would be like saying someone's a believer of the yellow pages. Anyone who says "non-Jews are not really human" is NOT Jewish, period. CITE ONE QUOTATION JUSTIFYING GENOCIDE.
12 | alex schindler, Jerusalem, Monday Jul 13, 2009
11 yasmina, i could cite one quotation lol. have you READ dvarim? ki tetze l'milchama.... deuteronomy 20 is where it starts.
luckily, jewish law is more complicated than looking up a verse in the bible, or a quote from the talmud, or a quote from shulhan aruch, a reference for jewish law. ben tzvika is a fraud who either doesn't know otherwise or is actively misinforming the public
13 | Mike Feldman, Canada, Monday Jul 13, 2009
Are we accepting theology as morally equivalent to action? If so, everyone in the world who wished someone else harm, but did not act on it, is a Nazi. I don't think so.
14 | Single in Jlem, Thursday Jul 23, 2009
Hey Alex... you single? :)
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