Take my advice: don't take my advice

A friend in North America has invited me to address a group of friends committed to Israel and also to a Liberal worldview. They are concerned about what they see as the disconnect between the pro-Israel stance offered by most in the Jewish establishment and the daily reality of alienation, frustration and growing apathy which they see around them.

At the end of the letter he asks: should we establish a local J-Street (if any of my readers don't know what this organization is, you can Google them), put pressure on our government to work for the policies we support, renew our membership to Israeli peace organizations? Gaza and Goldstone, settlement activity, attitudes to the Other in Israeli society, the bizarre relationship between Religion and State - all these persuade my friend and his circle that they have to do something other than just mouth the usual platitudes. For the sake of variety, they want me to come and share my platitudes

What should I say to such a group? And what's the idea behind having me and mixing my angst with theirs? There is in part a vestige here of the old authenticity dilemma: since you don't live in Israel, the old line goes, you don't really have the right to make a noise in the way you would really like to. Meanwhile many Israelis seem to have no problem decrying the excesses and stupidities of their government, so why not bask in their irreverence?

There is something wrong with this picture. Jews in the Diaspora do not need to ask permission from anyone to express their views. It's a remnant of a moribund guilt complex, an urge to defer to those who realized Zionist nirvana and now pay their taxes to the Jewish State. Israelis have no right to tell Jews in the Diaspora what to do, who to marry, how to behave, just as my sister has no right to order me to clean my room. But if my sister stays in touch, shares in my triumphs and disasters, then she does indeed have the right to tell me that if I ever want to get on in life, I should clean up my room. There is a condition of mutuality - I have to be able to tell my sibling about her interior design disasters, and she has to be able to listen as well.

For too long the model of Israel-Diaspora relations has been lop-sided and silly. The truth is, I don't know what our Liberal friends in the Diaspora should do. But I'm consistent. I don't know what we Liberals in Israel should do either. The political Left has collapsed, partly because the Center Right pilfered some of the ideas, and partly because of a spectacular case of spontaneous combustion and ideological paralysis. You know how bad things are here when there is a greater chance of the government establishing a commission of inquiry to investigate our soccer team's failure to qualify for the World Cup than one to investigate the Gaza War.

I happened to hear David Landau on the radio talking about Israel-Diaspora relations. Landau is an outstanding journalist, formerly the editor of Ha'aretz. What he said was enlightening, but the way he said it was also noteworthy. A brief perusal of his biography reveals that he was brought up in Golders Green, the same London suburb which formed the backdrop to my own youth. He walked those mean streets before I did, but there is nonetheless the sacred fellowship of the Northern Line (it's a London thing). The truth is I could have told you where he was from although we have never met, because Mr. Landau speaks a precise and rich Hebrew with a strong English accent which his 40 years in Israel have done little to soften. He could have been selling tickets in Golders Green Station, except for two facts: a) many of the people doing that have non-London accents, and b) he was speaking Hebrew, and not everyone buying tickets at Golders Green Station would have understood him. Many, but not all.

Anyway, having marveled at his North London brogue, I also marveled at what he had to say. Landau pointed out that Israel's record in questions of Jewish status, as exemplified by our treatment of Israelis looking to convert to Judaism who are held at bay by our own mullah civil servants, is poor. We in Israel are hardly in a position to tell our fellow Jews how they should deal with such issues as intermarriage. Rather than telling you to clean your room, we should come over for a chat and find out how you are doing. This is hard for a rabbi to admit, but preaching is not always an appropriate mode of behavior. Or as we used to say in Golders Green, behaviour.

If there is a future for relations between the Jews of Israel and those living around the world, it will need to be based on fraternalism or sorority, not paternalism and pomposity. I should point out that this is  a two-way street: I do hear Jews from outside Israel describing their discomfort, as if being uncomfortable is the worst fate imaginable. They too are capable of talking nonsense and dressing it up as principle. But you Diaspora Jews have every right to imagine the kind of Israel you and your children will want to be associated with, and to work with those individuals and institutions who are furthering this vision. On the one hand, we should aim to love and accept each other, but at the same time we should be able to tell each other what's going wrong in the relationship.

I will give one example: there should be zero tolerance in Israeli society for any expressions of racism and chauvinism by any of our elected officials and representatives. If you agree, you should make it clear that there is a standard of civilized behavior you expect from the representatives of the State you support. Don't be polite about this - be insistent. You may help us grapple with one of the major plagues we face - a growing insensitivity to the humanity of the Other, and a cosy collusion with chauvinism which has no place in democratic discourse.

What will I tell the group when I see them next my month? I shall quote a cartoon which hangs in my parents' home. Take my advice: don't take my advice. Oh, and clean your room.