The Chevra Kadisha should lay zealotry to rest

The recent uproar regarding the refusal of an Israeli burial society (Chevra kadisha) to allow a woman to eulogize her relative highlights a broader problem in Israeli Jewish culture. The fact is that too many of those charged with assisting rank-and-file Israelis with their experience of Jewish life have little regard for the values of their clientele.

Last week's unpleasant episode, in which a woman who sought to deliver a eulogy was physically withheld from doing so, is not a one-time occurrence. Three years ago, the Petach Tikva Chevra Kadisha was sued in the Israeli Supreme Court over the same issue (and though the Chevra Kadisha lost the case, in practice women are still discouraged from eulogizing there.) Four years ago, a woman who was denied the right to eulogize in a cemetery in the Bet Shemesh region turned to ITIM for help, and after a protracted negotiation, the Chevra Kadisha was convinced not to interfere if women deliver eulogies. However, the practice of discouraging women from eulogizing, or at least not encouraging them to eulogize, continues to this day.

When it comes to burial and mourning, individuals are at their weakest moments. They are vulnerable, and are often willing to take orders from others, especially those in positions of authority. To some extent, they even seek out those who they otherwise would shun. I remember presiding at a funeral for a non-Orthodox individual, where I encouraged his daughter to deliver the eulogy. She was exceptionally hesitant until an ultra-Orthodox family member arrived and explained that there was no halachic reason not to speak. 

Unfortunately, among the very dedicated members of the Orthodox Chevra Kadishas in Israel, there are some individuals who are guided by principles which admittedly appear in kabalistic literature, but which do not and should not guide our burial practices. Frankly, it is intimidating to hear, just moments before you are to deliver a eulogy, what the woman in Northern Israel heard last week: "If you eulogize, you'll be damaging the soul of the deceased." This statement, which I must say, I have never heard before, would be enough to discourage anyone from proceeding with a eulogy. Unfortunately, there was no one on hand to help the unfortunate woman overcome this threat.

In my office, we often receive complaints from individuals who are intimidated into rejecting their own values and adopting values from another cultural system. Woman are threatened  and told to go to the mikveh, or ritual bath, (because of what might happen to their children), and pregnant woman are discouraged from going to cemeteries. While I am aware that demonology has a place in Jewish tradition, the halacha that I adopt and live my life by is a reasoned and ultimately life-affirming system, not one based on fear and intimidation. 

There is no passage in the normative halacha that forbids a woman from delivering a eulogy. The extremist position which suggests that such a practice falls into the halachic category of "a woman's voice is evocative," must be neutralized in order to make sure that mourners have a meaningful religious and emotional experience at their darkest moments. Those seeking to be zealots in the service of halacha are in fact doing a disservice both to Orthodox Judaism and to the Jewish people. There is no room for them when it comes to providing religious services.