Smart is out, mediocre is in

"These clever girls," a friend said to me the other day, "they're taking it too far now. My son isn't going to want such a clever one. It's not going to be so easy for her to settle down, make a home..." 

"My daughter is doing brilliantly at university," said another.

"But I don't know what good it's going to do. It wouldn't hurt her to be a little less clever....at least in public."

For the first time in Jewish history, mothers are encouraging their daughters to underachieve. They shouldn't be too pretty, too smart or too competent for fear of scaring the boys away. It's particularly nerve-wrecking for Orthodox mothers who are concerned that their daughters are pricing themselves out of the marriage stakes with all their accomplishments. "With a PhD under her sheitel," thinks the anxious mother to herself, " a man is going to worry that my daughter will never be happy changing nappies and making kugel."

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Jewish spirituality

The news that Spirituality for Kids, intimately and unashamedly connected to the Madonna-made-it-famous-and-I-want-a-red-string-too-Kabbalah Centre, has wormed its way into several London state schools and has made the rabbis quite antsy. Perhaps rightly so, as the celebrity cult status of the organisation is enough to make me wary.

However, I'd like to see a lot more small 's' spirituality for small 'k' kids. All around me are parents focused on providing for the material needs of their children including designer (modest) clothes, lavish (separate dancing)  parties and fancy (glatt kosher) holidays while pointedly ignoring some of the more complex issues of spirituality and morality that should also be part of a religious lifestyle.

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Netball and Jewish women

Recent news that the Israeli netball team found glory in Ireland brought a warm glow to my face that I almost confused with the beginnings of a hot flush.
 
A couple of years ago, I heard about a friendly Jewish netball game in London. As I started to explain that it had been many years since I last played and that I was not in the best shape, Jenny, the team organiser, gently interrupted me: "Don't worry," she said. "Everyone says the same thing. You'll be fine."

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Mothers and fathers

Sports day next week.  Followed by the end of year concert. Hot on the heels of graduation day. And they expect me to go to each event. Couldn't I just send a tired, badly dressed, breasts sagging, blow up life-sized doll that I could remotely contol to wave and cheer when one of my kids appear? It has to be a more effective  use of my time than actually being there. 

Fathers have it easy: they are not allowed to attend the concerts at my daugter's school due to the religious code of the school (to which we freely signed up, so I shan't moan). They cannot watch the mothers' race on sports day for fear of seeing real sagging breasts bobbing up and down across the 100 metre finishing line.

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Miss Sheitel 2008

News that two young Jewish women, Leah Green and Samantha Freedman are in the running for the Miss England title was apparently meant to make me feel proud. After all, Miss Green told the Jewish Chronicle, "I thought that maybe I could try to get the message out that it's not a bad thing to be voluptuous and a size 12," while Miss Freedman does the tzedaka shtick, "All the contestants have to raise money for a particular charity."

Their accidental Jewish birth hardly seems relevant. They are not being judged on answers to soul-searching questions about their Jewish identity and they are just too skinny. Neither have the zaftig [Yiddish for 'plump' or 'juicy']beauty we associate with a little too much lokshen [Yiddish for 'noodles'] in Friday night's chicken soup. Are we so insecure that we need to prove that Jewish women can also aspire and achieve the socially acceptable paradigm of Western beauty? 

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Playboy and the pencil case

It was our turn to host Charlie, the school rabbit for the weekend.

It died.

Seeking to comfort my distressed children, we went to WH Smith, a large stationary shop to buy some colored pencils.
 
'Imma, there's Charlie,'  my little one shouted. "They've put him on the pencil case. Look he's on the folder as well.'

There, in full view, next to Minnie Mouse was the eponymous Playboy symbol plastered over a range of children's stationary.

'Can I have the pencil case?' my little one asked.

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Much to learn from frum women

Billed as the 'largest kosher bakery in Europe,' Mr. Baker is a great meeting spot, punkt in the heart of one of London's main Jewish thoroughfares. Israeli taxi drivers, Polish builders, Slovakian au-pairs and Hendon housewives can all be found drinking coffee and eating fresh pastries in this huge bakery-cum-coffee shop.

In a country where trees are not adorned with notices and their tear-off telephone numbers, kosher shops are an important part of the information highway. Free notices about shiurim, items for sale and job vacancies within the community are common.

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What is it with religious women and Sex and the City?

The text message on my phone the other day read: "Come and see Sex and the City and raise money for underprivileged kids.at the same time." 

Hundreds of religious women are flocking to see Sex and the City. 'It's a charity thing,' said one. 'It's just a bit of fun,' protested another. Seems to me that the money collected might be better spent on a bit of stomach stapling for these SATC doppelgangers from the London suburbs of Hendon and Hampstead Garden Suburb.

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