Monday Jun 30, 2008
Modesty Blasé: What is it with religious women and Sex and the City?
Posted by Modesty Blasé
Comments: 24
Comments: 24
The text message on my phone the other day read: "Come and see Sex and the City and raise money for underprivileged kids.at the same time."
Hundreds of religious women are flocking to see Sex and the City. 'It's a charity thing,' said one. 'It's just a bit of fun,' protested another. Seems to me that the money collected might be better spent on a bit of stomach stapling for these SATC doppelgangers from the London suburbs of Hendon and Hampstead Garden Suburb.
What is it with religious women and SATC? Carrie's masochistic relationships with men (before Mr. Big decides to commit) Miranda's accidental single motherhood (before Steve decides to commit), Samantha's ruthless pursuit of sex without love (before Smith decides to commit) are hardly the values of Orthodox women determined to pursue marriage and family. Even Charlotte, the WASP-turned-JEW, relies on all the negative stereotypes of contemporary Jewish life to stake her claim: married to the wealthy lawyer, revelling in materialism, and relentless complaining about nothing. Of course, she does all this in an apron making gefilte fish.
Carrie's life is the antithesis of the religious woman, and yet it is funny how the lure of supporting a soup kitchen will get hundreds of them out in their heels to watch Carrie's denouement.
Are married religious women so bereft of imagination that they have to rely on SATC for entertainment? Are their husbands so boring?
Similarly, it would be easy to think that religious single women have nothing in common with the untrammelled sexuality of Carrie and her friends. Au contraire. While the necklines are higher and the skirts are a little longer, single religious women are also looking for Mr. Big.
Carrie and her friends might not be subject to a community of rabbis, but they are also surrounded by smug marrieds regarding them with suspicion, pity and ambivalence.
Smug marrieds who should stick to texting each other and stop bothering me.
Modesty Blasé can also be read on www.lilith.org/blog where some other doubtful Jewish women appear.
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1 | bonnierose23, Monday Jun 30, 2008
First of all, you stole "smug marrieds" right from Bridget Jones Diary. Second of all, it was Miranda and Samantha who couldn't commit, not Steve and Smith. Third of all,you don't need to have a "boring" husband to be entertained by the adventures of these women. Lastly, why not just delete unwanted text message invites and get on with your life? Why so bitter?
2 | Nachum, Teaneck NJ, Monday Jun 30, 2008
Modesty, you might want to think about your future and take a lesson from your Orthodox married sisters. Marriage has many high moments but they are eruptions in an otherwise montonous and, yes, tedious routine. The most interesting and curious women have got to wonder, "what if..."? And while the Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle is absurdly hedonistic, what would it be like to live that life for just one day - or even for the hour and a half of the movie? Instead, too many Orthodox will dismiss any alternative as not just unkosher but repellant. Go really wild, Modesty: show your hair.
3 | s. schneider, washington DC, Monday Jun 30, 2008
Love this! What a terrific voice, and what great points! The paradoxes abound!
4 | James, New York, Monday Jun 30, 2008
Girls seek Mr. Big (size, money, position), guys look for Ms. Pretty (whatever it means), and the Torah books teach something that no one learns. When I was single, the cliche was that every girl wanted to marry a Chofetz Chaim, because stories about him defined a standard for the impressionable girls of what a man must be. If a girl is raised on fashion magazines and movies or anything similar, it would be extremely hard to change her view of what is desirable. That has been ensured thousands of times by the literature. People usually live with fantasies before reality reveals its face.
5 | Kathleen New York, NY, Monday Jun 30, 2008
As a native New Yorker, I wonder who writes these bizarre fantasies set in an alternate reality mis-named "New York." There are intelligent, elegant, sant young career women in the real city, but the birdbrain bimbos of SATC bear no resemblance to them! On the other hand, the series & film have spawned hideous teenaged Midwestern copycats parading the city in next-to-nothing. One chortled about her "indecent exposure"; I call it environmental pollution.
6 | Dr. Alex, Canada, Tuesday Jul 01, 2008
Modesty
Your hands are not only to cook or to wash dishes or carry babies. Each part of our body has more than the assigned functions by the Bible. The Bible was written by primitive men. By giving all the possibilities to our body we glorify the Creator. Happiness and pleasure are beautiful, are not sin... who invented that ? Sexual pleasure is beautiful and the most powerful driving force in nature. Life starts with sex!! Don't waste your life any more. Be accomplished, do what nature dictates you to do, not the ignorant or puritan rabbi... All the religions have problem with sex. Why?
7 | Kay, US, Tuesday Jul 01, 2008
I saw it once and I was shocked at how the characters acted. In real life if I met anyone like that there was no way I would want to know them. Thus, I never watched it again, as it was like inviting them into my house, and I would not do that in real life so why do it to the tv?
8 | D.E.S., Yorktown, VA, USA, Tuesday Jul 01, 2008
The title starts with Sex, not Love, and the City. SATC never appealed to me. Watched once for 10 minutes; haven't watched it since. Love is different from sex; and the priority is misplaced. Does more than that really need to be said?
9 | Sharon, Arizona USA, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
Modesty, I'm not Orthodox, but I agree with you completely. Poor Dr. Alex, in comment 6. You misunderstand the difference between privacy and prudishness. Religious Jewish women aren't afraid of sex, they don't believe sex is sinful. They just believe it's private.
10 | Yosef, NJ, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
Dr Alex is confused. He's asserting the age-old Christian stereotypes on Judaism. Dr. Alex, Judasim has no "problem" with sex. In fact the Torah views sex as a holy, G-D given GIFT. Torah doesn't view hapiness and pleasure as "sin" In fact, our Rabbis always maintained that the world was created for our pleasure. The only primitive men are those like you who are willfully ignorant of Torah. Our tradition simply maintains that sex is to be handled responsibly as a precious gift, eleveated to holy levels, rather than overindulging in it like cheap alcohol to satiate our selfish animal urges.
11 | Jason, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
Yosef (10), you are espousing the Aish Hatorah/Artscroll view of sexuality. Of course Judaism has a problem with sex. Of course we are not as prudish as our Christian brethren (who undoubtedly had an influence on us during our sojourn with them in Europe over the centuries). But there are clearly competing view on sexuality within our tradition.
12 | daat y, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
Yosef-no.10 I could not say it any better-beautiful.
13 | Jason, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
Yosef (10), you also make it sound like being drunk is a bad thing. See Tehilim 78:65: "Then the Lord awaked as one asleep, like a mighty man recovering from wine." It seems that Hashem himself was drunk!
14 | Annie, United States, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
As with any nationality, race, religion, etc., don't lump all together. Some Christians view sex for "being fruitful and multiplying" only. G-d told Adam and Eve to do that; they were also naked. It is to be enjoyed between a married man and woman. It is a driving force in men and, if the man knows what he's doing and loves his wife as he is told, it is a wonderful experience for the wife. But, brine in the oil is not needed.
15 | SATC fan,Israel, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
I am an orthodox jew and love SATC.In fact when it came out i even went alone to see it so much so that i did not want to be disturbed by a friend.Im not sure why watching it would promote charity, however,I think that SATC focuses around Carrie and her opinions and i think she speaks for most women,if you actually listened instead of judged, she is first to admit her mistakes and makes such relevant points that i applaud the woman who wrote her role and dialogue.Women need to be more expressive and less oppressed and certainly not condemned for expressing their opinions or enjoying a movie.
16 | Dr. Richard, SouthEastern USA, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
Dr Alex-you are confused! Authentic Judeo-Christian religions do NOT have a problem with sex! In fact, we view sex as wonderful, beautiful and HOLY. Like anything else that is holy-you do NOT profane it by misuse. Rightly done, sex within marriage is beautiful and pleasureful. This is as it should be. However, deliberate misuse is not only ugly, but it-by its nature-leads to bad consequences. As a physician you should know this. For example, if NOBODY ever had sex outside of marriage, ALL STD's would be wiped out in 1 or 2 generations!
G_d knew what He was doing when He told us how to live!
17 | Chaya Gilburt, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
Sex is beautiful, but it ought to be private. Sorry, doc: sex is not the most powerful force in the universe. Yet alll the women in SATC ever talk about is sex. Boring. The amount of time my friends and I spend talking about sex is...nil. Why would I watch this program? I feel SATC was actually written for some men, like the good doc.
18 | Jason, Wednesday Jul 02, 2008
Annie, you are right and i apologize. There is however a much stronger anti-sexual sentiment in Christianity (Roman Catholicism in particular) than in Judaism and Islam. Though each of the world's major religions do share certain ideas in this regard...
19 | Yosef NJ, Thursday Jul 03, 2008
To Jason 11, 13: seems like you like to blog b/c of your desire to vent your nonsense rather than b/c you have anything intelligent to say. The Aish view of sexuality IS representative of the Torah ideal. Also, I fail to see any "influence" the Christian nations had on us. Maybe they influenced YOU, but not Torah Judaism. And what about the Sefardi Jews...at the core they don't differ all that much from Ashkenazim. Lastly, your rendition of ancient Jewish text is utterly childish. The Tehilim in post 13 says clearly: "like," i.e. King David is depicting G-D in a poetic/metaphorical sense.
20 | M.A., Thursday Jul 03, 2008
I just spent a year of my life living with someone who I could see the sexual changes in, I acknowledge the views of sex in the city, yet I beleive and now feel I have confirmed , sex is best left for Holy Matrimony, then the chance for regret is reduced, and nothing is as special in comparison.
21 | Jason, Thursday Jul 03, 2008
Yosef (19), i am sorry that you feel compelled to rant and rave. Must i provide you with all kinds of "Torah-true" sources to prove my point that there is ambiguity when it comes to sexuality within our tradition?! The Rambam for example does not speak very highly of sex (influenced by the Muslims), and there are various Talmudic statements that have a rather negative view of the whole deed. As for the quote from Tehillim, there were many who attacked the Rambam for his view of God, claiming that there were men much greater than him who believed that God had human characteristics...
22 | Dr. Richard, SouthEast USA, Thursday Jul 03, 2008
Jason-I could not disagree with you more on the Roman Catholic Church (RCC) having a negative view on sexuality. NOTHING could be further from the truth! The RCC has an extremely POSITIVE view on sexuality! They merely present the G_d-given mandates(in both Hebrew and Christian Scripture)to not profane it by using it outside of matrimony. This teaching actually ELEVATES sexuality to the level of holiness!
I strongly suspect whoever told you that the RCC has a negative view were ppl who don't want to be told that they can't legitimately have sex all over town with whomever suits their fancy.
23 | Jason, Friday Jul 04, 2008
Dr Richard (22): The negative view of sexuality is exemplified in the belief that RC priests & nuns cannot engage in sex, thereby elevating celibacy as an important value. Other examples abound, such as the RC view of masturbation. Thomas Aquinas taught that God designed the penis to insert sperm into a woman's vagina. Any other use of the penis or destination for the sperm is unnatural and a "grave offense to the sagacious plan" of God. This concept makes a number of sexual behaviors immoral: bestiality, anal sex, oral sex, masturbation, & any other activity that prevents conception.
24 | Ehad Ha'am, Sunday Jul 06, 2008
You ask "What is it with religious women and Sex and the City?" It is like meek people who love to watch Bruce Lee or Steven Seagal movies or Westerns, where the hero thrashes the villain. It is something they too would love to do but can't.
About this blog Modesty Blasé
And G-d created Modesty. And Modesty grew up to be an Orthodox Jewish housewife and mother in London. She has a Pesach kitchen and a Polish cleaner. Her skirts are long and she often sports a trendy baseball cap with a fake ponytail. But lately, Modesty has been having some doubts. This is her commentary. Search this blog |
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