Tales from the Towers: Why me?

I like Ludlum's books, so when I saw that "Bourne's Ultimatum" was showing on  TV, I decided to watch it. It started with a guy running. Other guys were after him. The guy runs and runs and the other guys are after him. Twenty minutes later, the guy is still running, the chase gets more dramatic, here and there they catch him but he manages to hit them and escape. He runs again, and they are still after him, and I'm still wondering why. And then I decide to stop wondering and switch off the TV. Ludlum, you shouldn't let them make your books into movies, even if they pay you a whole bunch!

I have a friend whose name is Bella. She lives near Tel-Aviv and she calls me rather often on the phone. I rarely call her back because her calls are one endless recitation  on her failing health, her bad moods, her misbehaving children. I often thought to myself that if she put some drama into her speech, I might pay more attention, but she goes on and on in the same monotonous tone, disregarding the opportunity for the smallest pause, or even a  full stop. My mind wanders and my eyelids start to droop, I find myself getting more tired and sleepy by the minute, with just enough energy to insert here and there a "really?" or "that bad?" or "unbelievable!" My comments may not always fit the situation, but Bella hardly notices. She drones on and on. At a certain point I think it may be time to say something emphatic, so I ask her:

"And what does the doctor say?"

"What doctor, which doctor?" she protests, "I'm telling you that my daughter is getting her third divorce, she is not sick, she is crazy... now I'll tell you all about lawyers' fees!"

Yesterday I met our common friend Pnina on the street and she tells me:

"You know about my insomnia problem, don't you? So every evening I try relaxation exercises, I drink hot milk with honey, I read the most boring books I can find, but nothing helps. However, lately I found the perfect remedy. I call Bella on the phone, I let her speak for a while, and I sleep through the night like a baby!"

What a great idea! One is never too old to learn!

Advancing age causes some of my friends to behave in ways which are strange and unexpected. Martha, a childhood friend, phones me in tears:

"So last night he walked out! Can you imagine, after 11 years together he packs a bag and disappears! He has done this many times before but this time he took the two things I can't live without: he took my very expensive sunglasses and my sleeping pills! About the sleeping pills, he would have an ulterior motive, like he would want me to spend a sleepless night thinking of him maybe, but the sunglasses? Why?

"What would he do with them, he has his own! He did leave his cell phone behind, so I can't even reach him! Now  I won't be able to fall asleep to-night, and I won't be able to leave the house tomorrow without my glasses. Do you think I can call the police and report the theft of a pair of very expensive sunglasses and a box of sleeping pills?"

"Martha," I said, "This whole thing is kind of bizarre! You seem to be upset about your loss of sunglasses and sleeping pills... what about Avi? Aren't you sorry that he left?"

"No, no, he'll be back, I'm sure! He always comes back. My problem is tonight and tomorrow morning! I'm sure by Friday morning Avi will be back with a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates - which I need like a hole in the head. But by then he won't know where he put my sunglasses and the sleeping pills. After 11 years I surely know that man and his weird behavior!"

"You know," says one of my friends here in the Towers, "you have the strangest collection of friends one can ever imagine; how is it - do you pick them or do they pick you? My own friends are all so ordinary, they go through the day behaving as they should and they never make weird phone calls like the ones you're getting!" 

I have no explanation for this...

Lucca