Going nowhere

In preparation for my trip to the US, I checked my passport and was dismayed to notice my American visa had run out. I sat in the travel office and talked to my agent.

"Well," she said, "This is a cinch, and we'll manage. But you'll have to go to the American Consulate in Tel Aviv in order to renew your visa."

"All the way to Tel-Aviv?" I asked, shocked.

It's just that I'm not a "traveling person," at least not a happily traveling person. After having traveled to many countries and having lived on three different continents, I still am not a happily traveling person, and a trip makes me feel unsettled, no matter whether it's to Tel Aviv or San Diego.

"But wait," continued my agent, "Before you go to the Tel-Aviv Consulate there are several things you have to do."

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Bait and Switch

I recently received a card from my favorite cosmetics/drugstore inviting me to stop by for a day in July when all items on sale would be marked down to half price. There were only two items I needed: a certain product which highlights my hair, and a foot spray which pampers my feet on hot days. So, in mid morning, I went.

The store was already very full. I looked for that hair product for a long time and couldn't find it. I looked for a saleslady for a much longer time, and she started to hunt for it as well. Then she told me regretfully: "We're out of it! You know how it is on such 'good deals' days, people come early and before you know it, some products are sold out!"

The formidable force of Jewish grandmothers

If there is one greater force than a Jewish mother, then it is certainly a Jewish grandmother. So we sat, several Jewish grandmothers in our usual café, and discussed our children's children. The immense volume of brainpower, brilliance, talent and beauty discussed around that table was so powerful, it could have moved mountains and created a completely new and better world. Grandchildren were described as top students, people who in future years will continue to put this country as a first on the map. Granddaughters were mentioned  who had the potential to become supermodels but, out of pure and admirable modesty, prefer to get a degree as kindergarten teachers.

Something old, something new

I own a very pretty phone and address book, and it's only lately that I have noticed that it is no longer very pretty; the colors on its covers have faded, and some pages are in tatters, almost in shreds. I realize that I've had it for many decades, I really can't remember for how long. Before I transfer addresses and telephone numbers into the new book which I have bought, I leaf through the pages some of which are torn, and some even missing. I can't find for instance a page for the letter 'X' but I suppose I never noticed this absence, because how many people have names starting with 'X'?

Looking through my old book I suddenly face some mysteries. Who for instance was Bertha, and why did I mark her name in red?

The woman with the pulse

We have several trainers in our gym and they do not have much in common except for being in possession of some kind of certificate stating that they've graduated from physical education colleges so I suppose, that in this respect, they are all qualified to guide us through our workouts. But, as I said, except for that, they do not have much in common. There is the one who wears the most minimal t-shirt and flexes his muscles all the time either to inspire us or to make us die of envy. There is another one who brings a bunch of newspapers and buries his head in them and if G-d forbid someone should fall off the bicycle or the treadmill, will he finally jump out of his chair? I really would not like to find out!

Ending a 40-year relationship

How does one end a relationship which has lasted for the last 40 years?

I have reached the point where I realize that I have to let go of a man who has been part of my life for decades and I really don't know how. He's grown rather old, so have I by the way, but I simply must look for a younger man now.

So how do I proceed? Do I phone him, write to him, or visit him and tell him that we've reached the end of the road at last? Should I prepare him gently or just say it all brutally all at once in order to get it over with?

David and Iris

..."of course David has no doubt that she has succumbed to his charm, but everyone, except he himself, knows that in truth she has succumbed to his bank account…"

The four of us, Amanda, Rebecca, Anita and myself were sitting in a garden café and discussing the winter-spring relationship of David and Iris.

"How is it," said Amanda, "that a smart man like David, a clever lawyer to boot, does not realize that Iris, hardly more than a teenager, may think that his credit cards are much more irresistible than he himself?"

"So," intervened Amanda, "do you think she'll manage to get him to propose?"

Fear of cheesecake

No matter which TV channel I switch to, I always find someone there who is cooking. Or baking. And it's always done exceptionally well. All my adult life I labored under the misapprehension that I can put together a good meal, at least I cannot remember any specific complaints from my husband or children. Maybe compliments were not forthcoming at the rate I would have liked them to, but all considered - could be I fooled myself, when I thought that I am feeding my family quite well!.

Now lately everyone seems to cook better than I do. It's especially humiliating when I see a young guy, around twenty or so, do his magic in a kitchen and present works of art utterly pleasing to the eye, and supposedly to the palate as well. When in heaven's name did he learn how to cook? At his age all I thought of was whose invitation I will accept for a Saturday night date. And here is that young guy who produces miracles with pots and pans!!

Tiberias and the pope

My friend Anita and myself were looking forward to our yearly vacation in Tiberias. However, we were off to a bad start. Upon our arrival at our hotel in Tiberias, we were told by the desk that Anita is booked on the 5th floor, while my room is located on the 9th.

"This is impossible", I protested, "we always get adjoining rooms in this hotel!"

"Not this time," said the young man at the desk, "because...the pope is here!!!'

"So how is that, the pope gets the room next to Anita, or next to mine?"

Remembering the Holocaust

"Everything you are, everything you feel and everything you do, is connected to, and the result of your troubled childhood!" says my friend Judith who is a psychiatrist.

Truth is that whenever I try to conquer bad forebodings, unreasonable fears, sudden mood swings, I remember Judith talking to me thus, but then I also celebrate my own optimism and love of fun. At any stage of our lives we can feel pleasure, we can appreciate our good health as long as it doesn't leave us and a good cure for all ills is to laugh at ourselves and our own inexplicable foibles.