It's funny how Skully and Mulder never dedicated any time to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Plenty of scope for conspiracy and yet... nothing. Which represents of course, in and by itself, a conspiracy. Time to investigate.

Coffee makes the mind race. It's the little liquid crazy you need to face the idiosyncrasies of modern life. Especially the AM parts of it. Sometimes a caffeinated boost can, as cobwebs fly, bring you closer to truth. But to approach an issue, you must first get away from it. Invest some outstanding airmiles, or in this case; light-years.

That's right, I'm going for the alien angle.

The IDF admits to using "agents provocateurs" at the weekly anti-wall demonstrations in Bil'in. "But they only start throwing rocks after the regular demonstrators do so." Which begs the question; what's the point of using infiltrators then? Once more, logic is that most scarce of commodities, snuffed out in the fog of tugging.
 
Then again, what's the point of a lot of things? We so often fold into our designated ruts, each to his role, unthinkingly. Ever thus at Bil'in. Left-wing, self-hating Israelis and internationals fold arms with the downtrodden, the people whose land is nibbled at, cement-trucked, ground into facts. To each his task. The army's welcoming committee, on the Palestinian side of what's supposed to be a separation fence, cross-armed, wide-legged megaphones along the script; "This is a closed military zone. Leave now or face the consequences."

"Things are a lot more uh, uh...complex...I got certain information. Certain things have come to light...Uh... It might not be just such a simple... uh...you know?"

Ask a Middle East expert to explain, clear and succinct, what in God's holy name is the thing with Israelis and Palestinians, and you'll often get no more than incoherent Lebowskian blather. "Lot of ins and outs", to use the parlance of our times. 

People however crave categorical beams of truth, clarity, and my very own boots on the ground are often unrealistically expected to purvey just that. "Who's right?" "Who's wrong?" or, to paraphrase my uncle; "Whos doing what to who now?"

"Crybabies."

Fie on anyone who calls them that. The inhabitants of Sderot I mean. "Killed by a rocket?" a friend of mine asked. "You mean this crude welding together of lawnmower spare parts? You're more likely to get stabbed in Tel Aviv over a pack of chewing gum. Statistically speaking."

Make sure to always add a pinch of statistics to any position you take in an argument. With some luck your opponent will think you actually know what the hell you're talking about. If not, they might be disgusted with your resorting to such a crude device and end the conversation there and then. Either way you win. "High five!"

Always open with a provocation. Make sure you got everybody's attention. Clichés go a long way too. Like, the first casualty of war is truth. Statistically speaking. Never wear a helmet. Forget about malaria shots. Like Smokey in the Big Lebowski, it's very fragile. And like Walter, you can't possibly argue with it.

"My uncle used to drink a lot. We're talking way back, when a bottle of Arak set you back a mere Shekel." Ramzi's eyes tell the story with vigor. His hands add to the narrative with exaggerated swigging motions. "He sure liked his Arak. Over the years though, the stuff gradually got more and more expensive attaining, one ominous morning, the threshold of seven Shekels."

Ramzi's son, his wife, and two boys listen appreciatively. A third boy provides futuristic sound effects playing Tetris.

"My uncle was a poor man, and seven Shekels for Arak, despite a clinging fondness for the stuff, proved too big a bite from his budget. So instead, he goes down to the café to sit and play backgammon with his Muslim friends. He starts complaining to them; Arak costs seven Shekels now. That's your fault. You guys are not supposed to drink alcohol. That's for Christians only. For you, it's a sin, so don't. Supply and demand. If you stop drinking, and just stick to tea, the price will go down again and everybody's happy."