Old/New World Discourse: Missing my girls

Whereas it is the case that I love my husband and my sons, as is true with most moms, I have a special place inside of me which is reserved only for my daughters. Whenever Boy-Getting-Taller and Boy-Who-Needs-Books tease that is it gender that endears the girls to me, I respond that they're absolutely right.

Sure we're in the "differentiating stage," the place in life during which the girls, necessarily, have to develop identities distinct from their same gender parent, i.e. from me. Yet, we are also in the "discovery stage," the place in life during which the girls discover that many of their valued character traits have been passed on, whether via nature, or via nurture, be means of the conduit known as "Mom."

Per the "differentiating" part of parenting adolescent daughters, our home witnesses the commonplace "discussions" about media consumption, about clothing choice, and, occasionally, even about curfew. To suggest that I am, in my adolescents' eyes, "not hip," would be understating the matter.

It could be that in our household of observant Jews, the up and coming generation has the mazel to have greater religious erudition than did the parents. It could be that in my household of budding Israelis, New World notions are quaint, at best. Yet, I think there is even more going on here.

Consider that per the "discovery" part of parenting adolescent daughters, our home witnesses the commonplace "discussions" on how to write, on how to cook, on how to manage time, and, even, occasionally (see "" and ""), on how to efficiently clean a room. To suggest that I am, in my adolescents' eyes, "somewhat useful," too, would be understating the matter.

It could be that in our household of observant Jews, the parent-child bond is something rarified. Our world of emunah and b'tochen emphasizes such human facets as respect and coordination. It could be that in my household of budding Israelis, Old World notions reinforce Torah values for family. Yet, I think there is even more going on here.

While my family is fortunate, B'ayin Tov, to enjoy, on most Shabbatot, friends, both the sort that are established in our lives and the sort who are newly met, a mother misses her daughters. The loss of the girls' presence, on Shabbat, is palpable, especially at candle lighting (I am not yet a baker of challah, and the girls, being single, can't really participate in the mikvah-related mitzvah).

Benching lecht remains, thus, for my family, the quintessential moment of femininity. Other folk can help cook, can help set up, and can even help clear the table. Only my girls, however, can help spread the flame.
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Little Smile: Girly Needs

While it took our people forty years to cross the desert, it took Missy Youngest more than forty hours to catch up on her camp-related sleep deprivation. Life in this Old World rocks hard.

As for Missy Oldest, it is not so much that she needs to run errands as it is that she needs to become increasingly able to respond to the vagarities of her life. Just the other day, this daughter asked Computer Cowboy to drive her across town to a friend's home since the bus wouldn't get her there "on time." My husband agreed and pointed out the merits of acquiring a license.