Old/New World Discourse: Elul is for Sifting, Part IV

As discussed in Elul is for Sifting Part I, establishing a heuristic for our behavior (Torah is a good starting place) does not solve any of our problems associated with "coloring outside of the lines." Whereas sometimes it suits us to be unwavering in our worldly position, since this possible form of integrity can benefit our interpersonal relationships, and can aid our affiliation with greater society, it is also the case that at times, it is far better to be accommodating.

Consider the second line in Wisdom of the Fathers which directs us, after we have advocated for ourselves, to also think about other fellows. We can champion our rights without disrespecting our neighbors, we can defend our feelings, especially our entitlement to them, without literally or figuratively pushing, shoving, or marching insensitively past our family, and we can guardian our own truth without resorting to slandering someone else's.

This stance is a difficult, but not impossible goal. Sometimes the yetzer hara [evil inclination] pulls us away from it by suggesting we substitute elitism for middot. Sometimes the yetzer hara pulls us away from it by suggesting that we give up personal responsibility and embrace, instead, hopelessness. The evil inclination is quite aware that we need to reach to Hashem to improve ourselves and that undertaking to advance in an appropriate way necessarily requires strength from above. Hence, that inclination doesn’t want us to succeed in this mature manner in our interactions.

In the same way that communication, which is both about self and about other, simeltaneously, is not about grandeur, the Yomim Noraim are about humility, i.e. about true knowledge. During this holy period, we are invited not only to repair our relationship to ourselves, but also to grow beyond to a place where we can make with other people, and, ultimately, with their and our own Boss.

For this reason, it's not only essential, but also instructive, to remain respectful when responding: to cab drivers' queries about their driving, to people who cut us off in checkout lines, and to folks who see no problem if their pets piddle, just a little, on our lawns. If and when the appropriate venue for gentle correction occurs, we can exploit it. If not, we can content ourselves with the knowledge that the evolution of any given day, hour or minute is as it should be. That is, awkwardnesses, or worse, that we experience in our daily goings on are given to us to grow from.

Further, it is imperative that we seek out opportunities to nurture others. We can habituate ourselves to praise the children who sweep our porches, to affirm the spouses who take turns cooking dinner, and to give thanks to the friends who make a point of saying "excuse me," before they jump in and interrupt us. Less directly, in relationship to other people, we could clean up after ourselves at picnic sites, keep in mind new arrivals to our nation when giving out jobs, and make an effort, in general, to be compassionate about others.

Wanting to do good and knowing what "good" might look like are great places from which to reach, but are not the acquisition, itself, of proper living. Such an end can begin with reflection, but must, necessarily, conclude in action.

May you find your voice this holiday. May you employ your power of speech for your own good and for others' good. May you activate that improvement immediately!

Also, may you and your loved ones be inscribed for health, for happiness, for prosperity and for all other manners of goodness. Shana Tova!