Generation Bubelah: A community of one

I haven't written in a while, and I apologize. The reason, however, is that I've been feeling a bit disconnected from Judaism these days. Living in Madrid for the last year and a half, the only Jewish types of things I've done have been Yom Kippur services (where I had twenty euro stolen from me) and a Rosh Hashanah dinner in my apartment.

When my grandmother was alive, and I lived closer to home, I felt a strong sense of Jewish identity. Now, living far away, and not having a Jewish community, I'm feeling, well, less Jewish every day. I'll be honest, and I hate to admit it, but I didn't even remember when Passover was this year.

I've already felt like a different kind of Jew because of dating outside my religion, and now I'm feeling like a lazy one because I'm no longer involved, even on a very traditional level. This is the farthest I've ever felt from being Jewish.

When the elections were happening in Israel, I felt very far from the normal discussions I would have had about them in the states. Normally it would be a topic of conversation, but here I've only met two Jewish people, and both didn't grow up practicing, so dialogues about Israeli politics are slim to none. It's hard for me to create my own Jewish community here because it's hard enough to even establish a general network of people to connect with.

In a way this is the only time in my life when Judaism hasn't defined who I am. And for the time being, I'm accepting that maybe here in Spain I have to work harder at being Jewish than when living in the states.

Most people will read this and think it's horrible that I've lost my sense of being Jewish while being in another country, and I agree. I'm sure there are many people who travel to other countries where Judaism isn't very well known or accepted, and who find ways to incorporate their faith into their daily lives.

I haven't found it too easy, however. Maybe if I were religious, and practiced on a daily basis, things would be different. But because I see Judaism as community-based, when there isn't a group of people to relate to, it becomes more difficult.
 
Are there groups here in Madrid? Synagogues? Yes. But they are hard to access as they are small, tight communities that aren't very open to others. All in all, my family, who are miles and miles away, are the only ones who remind me, just by talking to them about life, that I'm Jewish. In my day-to-day, it doesn't ever come up.

Obviously this is something I've been thinking about, because I'm writing about it; this notion of how one keeps connected to Judaism if there isn't a community surrounding them. I'm realizing that for me,  it's staying active in whatever way I can, and though finding people to talk to about the Jewish world, religion and culture is difficult, I have my books. My community has now become that of Isaac Bashevis Singer, Spinoza and others, like Llan Stavans and Chaim Potok. And although it's not the community I had originally envisioned having here in Madrid, a year and a half later, it's definitely a way for me to keep connected to my Jewish identity, which I truly cherish and never want to lose.