Generation Bubelah: The role of religion for the secular

I recently came back from Egypt. I had never been to a Muslim country before and I hate to say it but the images I'd seen on television had made me a bit nervous. After a couple days, the pictures from the Media disappeared and I no longer felt uncomfortable around men in traditional religious clothing or the one or two women on the street, hidden behind veils. With speakers on the sidewalks filling the streets with religious chants, I soon became accustomed to how the city sounded during time of prayer. I started to wonder if there were people living in Egypt whom, like me, felt torn between maintaining religious traditions and living the life they want? Are there people of my generation who want traditions to change?

Around this time, close after the New Year, the resolutions made beforehand tend to fade back into the routine of daily life. No matter if resolutions are met, the effort itself for things to change fills us with hope. Whatever the wish, the one ingredient for a New Year is change. It seems we always want to change something about the way we live. 

Well, here's something I've noticed lately; I don't like change. The world is rapidly changing; we observe it everyday within technology, construction, business, politics and society. And as individuals we try to keep up with what is "new." But what if you just want to stop? Hit the time out button? Think. Wonder. Wander. What if you need to be reminded of who you are? Where you come from? Where do you find stability?

Being surrounded by religion daily in Egypt, I started to think about religion in generic terms. What is it that religion does for us? No matter what religion one ascribes to. Religion gives structure, routine, clarity. Like a person that you run into in a foreign country that is from your own country, religion is comfort; it is consistent, dependable, it instills a sense of calm.

No matter which faith one is, religion, in the generic sense of the word, might be the only thing that people can rely on to stay the same, and help ease the pressures of the world around us. The problem; however, is that we don't live in a generic world and religion doesn't exist on a generic level. Religion, instead of bringing peace, today seems to bring chaos. And on a personal level, has created an inner conflict between the old way and the modern way. Maybe this is a condition of youth or maybe more so of my generation, stuck between two worlds - the traditions of the elder generations, which I respect but struggle to conform to, and the demands of younger generations to let those traditions go in order to be "progressive." How can one be comfortable in the way that they feel when they have the structure of religion around them? When they are stuck between two sides?

During my trip, I was reading Philip Lopate's book, The Rug Merchant. One of the books themes is the Zoroastrian religion in America, which was once the dominant religion of greater Iran, now there are no more than 200,000 adherents worldwide. There is a chapter that discusses the future of the religion, how year after year it seems that there are less and less followers. What is the reason? Some blame it on intermarriage while others believe it is the religion itself that leads to it's own destruction. Because younger generations have become more Americanized, the religion itself has less of a chance of survival. Of course this made me think about my grandmother and how important it is to her that I date and marry a Jew. If I do not date Jewish boys, then I am less likely to marry one. Because I am dating a non-Jew, I am stuck once again between two worlds. With this I feel a bit stagnant. Sometimes I feel like I talk so much about being pulled in different directions when it comes to religion and how it fits into my life but I don’t do anything about it. I wish this conflict didn't exist, that religion was generic on a certain level. With that said, why don't I act to make a change to resolve this inner struggle?

What is it that is stopping me from saying, I am Jewish I should lead a Jewish life adhere to tradition and date Jewish men? Why do I feel like it is my religion itself that needs to open its doors a bit wider to accept more of the changing mentality in the world? Is it because I want to continue to live the way I do and maintain a sense of Judaism, and I'm not sure how to do that without feeling accepted in the Jewish community? Why is it difficult for me to be okay with the life I am leading as a Jew?

There are many times where I feel judged by both Jews and non-Jews. Jews don't understand how I can consider myself to be Jewish but not believe in certain laws set forth by the Torah, while non-Jews don't understand how I can live a non-religious life and still be so attached to Judaism. This is the problem. I am still trying to figure out where I fit into the landscape of my religion and what is it about Judaism that makes me want it present in my life. I know something has to change, and since religious laws are pretty much set in stone that would mean I would have to be the one to conform to its structure.