Majoring in Aliyah: Understanding Israeli election ads

Picture this: You're watching Channel 1, the government-sanctioned, commercial-free channel. On your screen, a man in a suit and tie climbs onto a diving board. Next to the pool, a man in a T-shirt reads the newspaper. The camera pans back to the man on the diving board as he unzips his fly and starts to urinate. On the other guy's head. The announcer says: "Don't let them pee on us anymore. Vote P. For our children's future."
 

Welcome to Israel, before elections. Unlike our more capitalist counterparts, here in Israel campaign commercials are not for sale. Rich or poor, big or small, every party that qualifies to run for the Knesset gets its few minutes of small-screen fame. Instead of political advertisements being shown during regular programming, they are shown back-to-back each night during the two weeks before elections.
 
For some, the screening of "election propaganda," as it's called in Israel, is an entertainment event that comes every four years - or is it three? Or less? The three major parties, Likud, Labor and Kadima, advertised the way you would expect them to. They told us what their merits are, and trashed the opposition. The commercials for the smaller parties are the fun part.
 
The peeing politician, in case you were curious, comes from the "Brit Olam - For Our Children" party. According to their party's website, they want a Minister of Peace to be appointed to the government, and they promote social reforms. Their ad made that very obvious, right?

Another party, "HaYisraelim," took a similar tone. In their commercial, a man told a story about his "very organized" friend, who takes off his dirty underwear every day, and puts on the previous day's dirty underwear instead. According to the ad, this is somehow comparable to voting for a party that already "got its hands dirty." Apparently, this is a party for people who like clean underwear. They certainly have most of the population covered; maybe they'll be the biggest party.

A more subtle campaign is that of a party called "LaZuz." Their ad showed a man in a suit and tie taking money out of a box labeled "taxes," and put it in another box labeled "my salary."

Where can I get that job?

Another classy group is the Green Party. They showed three short clips in a row, each one featuring a pair of animated, talking fish. These fish seem to be the aquatic Laurel and Hardy, and tell some "hilarious" environmental jokes. For example, one fish complained about all the litter in the ocean and the other fish tells her to relax. Then, a dead fish floats by, and the fish number two asks "What's that?" The other fish answers "it's the floating votes!" (an Israeli expression for undecided voters). Can I get a snare drum in here?

One party that made almost everyone raise an eyebrow or two is the newly combined "Green Leaf-Holocaust Survivors." When the pro-marijuana group and the survivors joined forces, they were put down as a gimmick, a way for each group to get press. I wondered what the two groups had to do with each other, and hoped that their ad would help me understand. Ohad Shem-Tov, the head of the Green Leaf faction who looks like every Republican's nightmare, looked at the camera and informed the people of Israel that nearly 70,000 Holocaust survivors live in poverty, and we must help them. Then Holocaust survivor Yaakov Kfir said that about one million Israelis "use cannabis for their enjoyment. These people contribute to society," Kfir said, although he didn't specify how, and explained that it is the Holocaust survivors' moral obligation to legalize marijuana. Then a jingle came on: "The moral choice at the polls, Holocaust Survivors and Green Leaf!" So, what they're trying to say is that the moral obligation to legalize cannabis is parallel to the obligation to help impoverished Holocaust survivors? I'm not an expert or anything like that, but it sounds a bit iffy to me.

Continuing on the theme of the elderly, we have the Pensioners' Party. In one ad, they showed a pair of false teeth biting cartoons of major politicians, while a voice-over listed how they have wronged the pensioners of Israel. At the end, a new slogan is revealed: "Our teeth may be false, but they bite!" Another segment decided to appeal to the Yiddish lovers amongst us. A grandfather-ly looking man stood in a park and criticized Bibi, Barak and Livni in an Easter European accent for not doing anything to help the pensioners. "What did they do for us? Gornisht [nothing at all]!" he said. "But don't worry about us, kinderlach [children], we'll worry about ourselves." Yet another ad showed older people playing with their grandchildren in parks and at home while the Pensioners' Party theme song played in the background. "Don't worry about us, we'll worry about ourselves. Worrying is us!" I almost expected one of the grandmothers to say "Don't come over to change my light bulb. It's okay; I'll just sit in the dark." Clearly, the Pensioners' party knows what every good Jewish grandmother knows: guilt is the greatest weapon of all.

For those of you voting for religious parties, don't worry, they didn't let their secular colleagues have all the fun. United Torah Judaism, the combined Lithuanian-Chassidic party, tried to appeal to those outside of their sector by telling the story of an unemployed woman (who wasn't seen in the ad, because that would be immodest). They ended the heart wrenching story by saying that poverty isn't only for Charedim, and then broke out in a peppy jingle: "Charedim for everyone! Charedim for everyone! Yahadut HaTorah!" The contrast between the two parts of the ad was almost as stark as the contrast between black pants and a white shirt.

"HaBayit HaYehudi," the new National Religious Party, decided to play simcha-dancing music, while showing symbols to represent the party's values. For their beliefs, there was a mezuzah, tefillin, Shabbat candlesticks, a knitted kippa, and strings to knit a kippa. To show how their constituents serve in the IDF, there were army boots. For their commitment to the Land of Israel, there was an orange ribbon and...red sandals? I understood the other symbols, but what do the sandals mean? Did I miss that HaBayit HaYehudi is in favor of global warming? Or are they showing off their lack of fashion sense? Then, the scene changed to show a laptop screen, and typing was heard in the background. It looked like the end of an episode of Sex and the City, only instead of seeing Sarah Jessica Parker typing, we got religious columnist Uri Orbach, a new member of the party. Orbach explained what "normal religious people" do, which includes voting for HaBayit HaYehudi - not exactly a topic for Carrie Bradshaw.

I thought that Shas was pretty well-behaved this election season. On the night that I watched the commercials, they showed pretty straightforward ads about how they will protect Jerusalem, and that they support children. It turns out that Shas has another ad. You can find the video online; it shows Rabbi Ovadia Yosef giving a special blessing to Shas voters. The advertisement was rejected by the Elections Committee, because there is an article in the Elections Law forbidding candidates to promise blessings to voters. Only in Israel!

This of course, is only the beginning. I haven't even talked about The Party of The War Against the Banks or The Party for The Man's Rights in the Family. There are 33 parties running this year, and I haven't even come close to covering them all. Even if you already know who you're voting for, "election propaganda" is worth watching just for the entertainment value. Of course, if you're undecided, it might confuse you even more. However, there is a lesson that we all can learn from these commercials: make sure no one is peeing off the diving board before you sit by the pool.

Election Propaganda is broadcast every night until elections on channel 1 at 22:15, on channel 2 at 23:15 and channel 10 at 18:00. Propaganda in Arabic is shown on channel 33 at 17:30, on channel 2 at 16:15 and channel 10 at 16:00.